State of the Llyw-nion

So I'm gonna talk about myself.

I mean, that's what most blogs are, and that's why most of them are...well, not boring but -interchangeable. Most people aren't boring, not when you get to know them at least, but people are often interchangeable.

The other big problem I have with talking about oneself is that it's easy to become unable to talk about anything else. And I can't stand that. It's why I don't like most Woody Allen movies, there all just huge self-portraits, and no matter how expertly you paint him, Woody Allen is an ugly, wormy, whiny dude.

But at least he has his talent and craftsmanship to mitigate how annoying he is.

And finally, I really don't like talking about myself because I think telling people what to think of you is worse than a waste of time. People say "I'm really nit-picky" or "I'm always doing that"

Self-descriptions don't have much of a point, or at least they don't have their intended point. Statements that intend to instruct people on how they should see the speaker fail. You can tell someone how you perceive yourself, but you can't tell people how to see you. Or at least I think you shouldn't.

In short, I think you should often just let yourself speak for itself.

That being said I'm going to suppress my 'don't talk about myself' impulse, for a bit and give a run-down of how I'm doing and what's going on with me. And maybe you will read it and give a damn.

Ladies and gentlemen, the state of our Llyw-nion is one of recovery.

2007 sucked. I left Japan, feeling strong and got socked in the gut for my overconfidence.

2008 began with a repeat of the same arc as 2007 but this time over a four-day-timespan. But I do think I came out of things wiser than I went into them.

I stopped working in Pike Place Market and started working for Big Fish Games at about the halfway point of this year. This was a big positive change.

Not that the Market wasn't cool, mind you, it was. But it's was never a permanent thing, and it had gone on more than long enough.

So I came to work for Big Fish, it's been a bit over four months and I've been hired on full-time. I did really well at first, then hit a rough patch in September and now I'm hitting my stride again, In fact I think that I may be performing better than ever.

Which is a relief, because honestly, my life has been too much about my job lately. It's so easy to get caught up in your job, I think, and then distract yourself when you're away from it with shiny objects the distract you from the fact that you're choosing your job over the things you really want.

But this is the first job I've ever had that actually has a career attached to it. Americorps was cool, but you can only do it for two years, and while I would have dug working at Tempest I had a lot of growing up to do before I would have been a true asset there, and while I was off doing it Tempest collapsed.

Japan was awesome, but ECC was not a tenable career. While there are things that I enjoyed and valued about that job, I remember how fed up with it I was by the time I left, I can only imagine what another two years would have done to me. And coming back has given me a lot of perspecive.

The Market was crazy, quirky, and taught me things I didn't expect to learn. But there are shop-boys and boys who happen to work in shops for the time being, and from the begining it was understood that I was the latter.

So now I have a job that is less of a place to tread water and more of a path to walk down. I don't how far it will take me, but it's nice to see it extend out to the horizon.

And, as my grandmother likes to say, money is always consoling.

Now that I feel like I'm doing well enough at work to feel safe turning my attention to other matters, I do see that I've gained a good position to make progress in other fields and on other goals.

So I'm making myself write more. I plan to post on this blog at least once a week in either English or Japanese.

I'm going to either take advantage of the cheap gym membership I get from working at Big Fish and see what a regular excercise menu written up with the help of someone who knows what they're doing does for me.

I'm also going to look into Aikido Dojos and see if I have the time and money to resume study.

I'm continuing to teach myself how to play the Guitar, and I'm proud to say that I'm a little bit better every time I put the guitar back down again.

I'm also getting out and hanging out with people more. Which is something that has taken a huge hit since I left Japan.

Man, looking back at what I've written it's not anything like I thought it would be when I started. I had some cool not-me things I wanted to segway into.

Oh well, I'll just ge them next time.

新たの始まり

ああー久しぶりの日記だな。　

月曜日（６月２日）　僕の新しい仕事が　始まった。　Big Fish Gamesって言う　ゲーム社でな。　とりあえず、僕はCustomer Support　Representative　－困ったお客さんをE-mailで手伝う人-、でも　新しい日本部に転向したい。　実はめんせつした仕事 は日本語Customer Supportだった、　でも　僕の漢字や敬語や丁寧語は今、物足りない見たい。　

それでも　Big Fish Gamesで働くのは凄く楽しい、皆は若くって親切な人。　皆は真面目なのに硬くない雰囲気だ。　僕にとってぴたりかな。

でも僕、何か用心深いだ。　ミスして、いいチャンスをなくさないようにかな。

まっ、頑張ったらどうになってもこうかいは無い。

A teaser...

I have always felt a profound dislike for Woody Allen and his work.

He irritates me, because he can't stop whining about himself. But if that were all of it he wouldn't irriatate me as much; I'd just ignore him.

-To bad rubbish.

2007 is at it's close and its time for the trite retrospective.

I'd like to say that the past year as been on the whole a good one. With some difficulties, sure, but progress was made and I'm better off at the end than I was at the beginning.

I'd like to say that, but it's a lie.

2007 pretty much sucked for me from the moment the ball dropped in times square. I didn't know it at the time but the juice had started running on my student loans and by the time I did know there was around seven-hundred bucks worth of juice on a few months worth of loan payments. And the only reason I found out about it was a prospective landlord let me know that a black mark on my credit was keeping me from an apartment. So that plus the month of not having a home kinda did in my savings from Japan. And that basically set the tone for the year to come.

Lotsa suck, some of it my own fault, some of it not.

Not that there haven't been good things this year, there certainly have. But I feel like those things are less a result of my efforts and more a result of being in the right place at the right time. I don't feel like even my best efforts in 2007 amounted to much. I'm not gonna let 2008 be like that. I'm going to find what I want and go out and get it, and maybe I had to slog though all this bullshit to come to that realization. I'll drink to that.

Yeah, so here's to 2007, and all the things in it that we'll be glad to see the end of.

I propose a toast-

Better than a wristband.

Livestrong wristbands have always struck me as, at best, very tacky. And at worst they're a way for vapid, banal people to pretend that they're deep and caring by making a fashion statement out of charitable giving.

It all rubs me the wrong way. I don't like talking about when and how much I give to charity, much less wearing it like some kind of badge. That's not the point, and I feel like it cheapens what I'm trying to accomplish. So while I often talk to people about charities, I almost never tell people when or how much I give. I think of it as a quiet, personal rule.

But I'm going to break that rule for a moment, because I think these two causes deserve the added weight of an, 'I did it, you can too' endorsement.

Every year at Christmas, I usually make a donation to a charity, spending as much in that donation as I feel would be appropriate to spend on a set of gifts for a friend or family member. Last year, and the year before,I gave to Child's Play: An EXCELLENT charity that I certainly recommend you all check out, even if you don't feel like giving, I hope it will shatter your preconceptions about Gamers and video gaming. (Those of you who don't already know about it, that is.)

This year, though I went with a different charity, and dropped a bit more than I usually do. But I feel it's worth it. I also feel it's worth it to tell everyone about it, as it's a pretty neat opportunity.

This organization gives specially designed laptops to children in the developing world. The laptops are engineered to be durable, versatile workstations that can enhance learning and enable a child to bridge the digital gulf between the first and third worlds. They have a free standing networking capability, meaning that they can create a wireless network wherever they are or link up to the internet if there's a gateway. They have a lot more information about the XO laptop on the site, so please go check it out.

Right now they're doing a promotion in the US and Canada: Buy one of these laptops for a child in the developing world and you can buy one for yourself or a child in your life. Each laptop costs $200. Which is pretty amazing when you think of the features it's packed with. Its an incredible deal, all things considered.

I know that if I were to see a child playing with an XO laptop, I'd be filled with admiration for the person who chose to give them, and a less privileged child far away, a powerful learning tool and enriched two young lives.

And that's a damn sight better than I can say about a crappy day-glo wristband.

拝啓、日本 － Dear Japan,

As of today, it has become spring. It has been murderously cold all week, but that hasn't kept some of the Sakura from coming into bloom. It budget constraints and preparing to move back to the US have, however, kept me in my crappy apartment these past 4 days. I've only stepped out to run errands or get a snack at the conbini, and that's meant that I've spent a lot of time surfing the internet, reading webcomics and blogs, and watching Japanese TV.

I usually only end up watching about two or three hours of television a week. If I'm at home on a Tuesday night I love watching Lincoln, a comedy show where some of Japan's A-list subject each other to juvenile pranks and bizarre, inane challenges. Needless to say it's AWESOME. I also end up watching whenever my girlfriend, who turns the TV on as soon as she gets home, calls me into her room to see something cool.

Today there was this program on called SASUKE, it's a televised sporting event held twice a year where people race to the end of a Ninja-inspired obstacle course. I completely RIVETED. But the thing that I really noticed (other than how cool it is to see someone actually jump and climb around like a ninja) was the incredible sportsmanship of all the competitors involved. They showed reactions of the crowd and the previous champions while people were running the course, and Invariably they cheered the successes and congratulated the efforts of each challenger. There was no trash-talk, there were no bitter rivalries, just athletes testing themselves against a REALLY difficult challenge, and when someone fell or failed or ran out of time, everyone was disappointed, but proud of them for trying. One competitor really impressed me, after seemingly clearing the hardest obstacle in the run (it eventually was the downfall of every challenger) he stopped, raised his hand and disqualified himself for accidentally grabbing a disallowed handhold.

Wow, that's some integrity.

On the other hand, I was in my girlfriend's room the other morning talking to her about moving and flight arrangements when I couldn't help but notice the panel discussion program that was going on in the background. The theme was "Why does America bully Japan so much?" Various recorded informational segments, narrated by a white stuffed toy dog with a red circular spot around one eye, were presented with a period in-between where the collected experts (Lawyers, academics, and popular entertainers) discussed the sub-topic presented in the clip. A one point I was so angry I was shouting at the screen. The little Japan-Dog had presented a segment about the second world war, and addressed the Nanking Massacre referring to the definitive book by Iris Chang as 'Chinese Propaganda'. After the stuffed Dog got done denying the clearly substantiated slaughter of 300,000 innocent people (we found and counted the bodies), the 'Experts' started in. First, one lawyer started in by saying that his grandfather, who had served in the Manchurian campaign, claimed never to have raped nor seen any member of his company commit such atrocities. Then another, older asshat went on to say, "every occupying force must take measures to control the populace and prevent uprisings. Just look at what's happening in Iraq and you can see what happens when you don't." and then finally as icing on the cake a white-haired woman said, "Surely some horrible things were done, Japan has recognized that and apologized. Isn't the fact that we can sit here and openly discuss how much is true, and just how much is propaganda proof that that the Japanese people have taken responsibility for what happened there."

It was at that point that I was shouting, "NO, IT'S PROOF OF THE EXACT OPPOSITE YOU USELESS NATIONALIST MOUTHPIECE BITCH!!!"

The previous Prime Minster of Japan, Junchiro Koizumi, went to worship at Yasukuni Shrine, where class A war criminals are enshrined as gods. Shinzo Abe, the current Prime Minister of Japan, was director general of a Group headed by Nariaki Nakayama, former education minister, who's express goal has been to remove references to the institutionalized rape and forced prostitution of "Comfort Women" by the Japanese Army during the second world war from Authorized history text-books for Junior High Schools. Nakayama has openly claimed that the Nanking Massacre was a "pure fabrication" and his group (full of prominent LDP members) has called for a retraction of Japan's official apology for the crimes in 1993.

I love this country, and I fear for it's future.

Japan is an amazing and beautiful country, and the people in it are just as beautiful and amazing, with an appreciation of beauty and a sense of solidarity that the rest of the world would do very well to emulate. That solidarity is both the Japanese people's greatest strength and it's greatest weakness.

Japan is the world's second largest economy, second only to the US. And unlike the US Japan has a incredibly homogeneous population. Most Japanese want the same things, worry about the same problems, and have the same social values. Most Japanese are worried about the growing cost of supporting the growing population of senior citizens, and concerned that the support might not be there when the time comes for them to retire. They value the quality of education, and take great pride in the high level of technical skill in the Japanese workforce. They fear an economic disaster like the popping of the bubble in the early nineties, and remain cautious even though their economy is now in better shape than it's ever been. (Though only the richest of the rich are getting the benefit.) They are concerned that students today are not learning the skills they will need (as recent institutionalized cheating scandals suggest) and are disturbed by the amount of bullying and suicide in their school system. The general public of Japan also is looking for solutions to the problems of climate change and overfishing.

Meanwhile Abe and the Liberal Democratic Party(Not actually very liberal at all) are busy trumping up inflated statistics of crime committed by foreign nationals (even though there appears to be a Yakuza gang-war going on in Tokyo) and making noises about changing Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution - That's the one where Japan renounces war and a standing Army and instead commissions a much more limited Self-defense force.

Abe, continually spouts his talking point of making "A Beautiful Country: Japan" a reality but he fails to explain what the hell that's supposed to mean. Beautiful because of it's rich and artistic history? Beautiful because of a strong, technologically advanced and ecologically sound industry? or Beautiful because there are no Koreans or Chinese living here dirting up the place with their inferior ways? (It should be noted that Korean TV dramas and Chinese food are HUGE hits here.)

Abe and his LDP asshats are out of touch with the Japanese people, but they can get away with it because there is no real alternative to them. The Democratic Party of Japan isn't even the Pepsi to the LDP's Coke. More of a Diet Coke: one makes you fat, the other has sweeteners that break down to form formaldehyde.

But if a real populist were to come to power, holy shit would Japan ever be AWESOME. If somehow instead of the cadre of myopic, racist Oligarchs we have in power now, a government committed to the goals of the Japanese people were to run the show you would see a truly beautiful country: Japan. Beautiful because it's people would have one of the highest standards of living in the world, if not THE highest.

How high? Imagine Norway, they're the current #1. They have free school, free medical care, most people own two houses and retire in their fifties to a life of quiet luxury. Sure Norwegians pay a lot of taxes, sometimes 50% of their income, but since they all agree on what they'd like to see those taxes spent on they all reap the benefits. Now take Norway and give them a SHITLOAD more money. That's what Japan could be.

How do they do it? Homogeneity.

If I have 2 dollars and I want to get lunch, I'm not going to be able to get anything really satisfying or filling. Maybe a candybar or a tiny McDonald's cheeseburger and a tiny drink but that's it. If I and 10 other people have 2 dollars and all want to eat lunch, bingo, we can order a large pizza and still have money left over for a 2 liter or so of soda. But what kind of toppings should we get? Here's where the Norwegians and Japanese have us Americans beat. Try getting a group of random Americans to agree on what should go on their pizza, I dare you. Meanwhile the Japanese are forgetting to tip the delivery guy for their corn-and-mayonnaise monstrosity and the Norweigans are chowing down on some lutefisk or something.

Homogeneity is how the Japanese have been able to pull of their Promethean revolutions throughout history. They do the same thing until it becomes clear that it doesn't work anymore, and then BAM! inside of a generation they're playing a whole new ballgame. From the Nara, Heian, Sengoku, Edo, Meiji, Tasho...etc, etc. It's like one of those undersea documentaries where all of the fish in this HUGE school change direction at the exact same moment.

But there's certainly a dark side.

If the LDP asshats somehow manage to convince Japan at large that they need to cast off their commitment to peace and become a world military power, there WILL be trouble. Japan has the know-how, the manufacturing facilities, and the fissionable material to have a full-scale nuclear weapons program inside of months. They even have orbital launch facilities. All they lack is the political will. And the LDP leadership wants on the UN Security council so bad they can taste it.

[Later, I will post a Japanese-Language Addition to this post. あと　この日記の日本語バージョンを付けるから　お楽しみに]

*cough*cough*

I don't know where I stand on the outright banning of smoking from public spaces. I don't smoke, never have. But I don't know if I'm all the comfortable with the idea of telling an adult they can't smoke in a BAR. A bar was pretty much set up for smoking (after the drinking of course) and any patron coming in pretty much accepts a degree of exposure to smoke is inevitable. Why ban it from the last place where people can smoke in peace?

But then, as an aspiring bartender, I have to sympathize with the staff I don't want to be exposed to carcinogenic clouds while I work all night. Smoking is everywhere in Japan and recently I've been loosing my voice when I'm exposed to smoky places for more than an hour or so.

And here's some food for thought. I was in a restaurant with someone smoking on the other side of it. One Dude smoking One Cigarette at the other side of the room for 30minutes and the shirt I wore last night still stinks like an ashtray this morning.